need advice on DD spending

[josephhswife]

DD hates to spend her own money. Even if she wants something in the store, and I tell her she has to pay for it, she passes it by and says "works every time!"
I signed up for the club and we work hard for her to get stars. Now she has enough to make a purchase from several items and she doesn't want to spend them.
I'm starting to worry. When it comes to other people, she's generous. She set a budget for DH's birthday gift and stuck to it and got a fantastic deal on a shirt for him. Has anyone had to convince their child that it's okay to spend money on themselves?

[Kaileyfan1]

I was just looking at your album and where is the place that says American Girl Dolls? I also love the Valentine's day dresses!

[Skittl1321]

I don't have kids, so I don't know how helpful this advice is, but perhaps you could talk to her and tell her how proud you are that she is a "saver" because it is an important skill in life, but also that you also have to take care of yourself. And sometimes a way to take care of yourself is to treat yourself.

If she is hesitant to spend money, help her spend her stars first. Savings stars past the point of being able to buy the big items has no purpose. The "you can't take it with you" attitude is big here! Help her set a goal, and then reward herself when she reaches that goal. When she feels comfortable spending stars, help her learn that it is okay to spend her own money.

Give an example in your real life. It is very important for parents to save money. They have to save money to pay a mortgage, they have to save money to send their kids to college, but every once in awhile they have to treat themselves to a movie, or a new pair of shoes- even if the old ones are not quite worn out.

The purpose of life is to live, and if you are always saving for the future- you aren't living today.

I don't know how much you want her to think about her own mortalitiy in this topic (probably not) but there should be some way to broach that there needs to be a medium. You need to be able to learn to save for the future, but you also need to learn that today is just as important. You can't do too much of either- if you live only for today, you won't have enough for tomorrow- but if you save only for tomorrow, your todays won't be too great.

It's also good that she is generous with others, but remind her that it is important to take care of oneself and be just as generous to yourself- even if only little things!

That was kind of rambling, but hopefully I said something somewhat helpful.

[rolloverrover]

Michele: Your daughter sounds like a very thoughtful girl! I wouldn't worry too much about her. I think it's a wonderful trait. Perhaps it will follow her into adulthood and she'll be very successful in a "helping profession."

[robin0850]

A lot depends on whether you buy things for her very often, or only for special occasions such as her birthday. If you buy for her fairly often, then she doesn't have much reason to spend her own money--she'll just wait for you to spend yours. If you don't buy her very much, she'll spend more on herself eventually. If there's something she REALLY wants, and she knows you won't pay for it, then she'll get it for herself.

When I was young, I knew that if I didn't save my allowance for it, I'd have to wait for my birthday or Christmas, or I just did without it.
With 4 kids in the family, my parents rarely bought us anything (outside of birthdays or Christmas), that wasn't food or clothing. I wasn't always happy about that as a child, but I'm grateful for it now--it was a good life lesson.

[joelanddeborah]

I think she sounds like a wonderful girl. There's enough materialism pressure out there for women without us getting our daughters hooked on thinking they need to have everything. She will really follow your habits of how you treat yourself, you know, and I'll just bet you've taught her pretty well! [img]smile.gif[/img]

<font color="#051E50" size="1">[ February 13, 2006 01:03 PM: Message edited by: Deborah and Girls ]</font>

[Aunt Cornelia]

My oldest dd is like this. She has been a member of the AG club for almost a year now and up until a few weeks ago had only ever gotten the Samantha Nellie charm with her points. It came broken and she was so disappointed with it that she decided not to get any more of the charms she wanted. Then the cute new club outfit came out (she really didn't like the old one) and she liked it. But she wasn't willing to part with her stars (in case something better came out). Well, in the end, I kind of shamed her into getting it because I had given her 500 of my stars to help her buy it, because I knew she really liked it. I also told her that they might retire it.

To be honest, though, she is waiting for some historical clothes to be offered for the Club Points. She only has historical dolls now (although she is saving for Jess when we go to AGPLA this spring).

When we go to stores, my younger dd will always want to spend her allowance on anything she sees that she likes, but my oldest will rarely make a spur of the moment decision. I think this is an incredibly desireable trait and I wish I had it. LOL! [img]redface.gif[/img]

I wouldn't worry about your dd being like this at all. She is waiting for what she really wants and when she sees it, she'll know it. In the meantime, she's saving up so she'll be ready when she finds what she really wants. This is so rare in our "Me Generation" mentality, where we all think if we're not "treating ourselves" constantly, we'll never be happy. This is a poor attitude and I really wish I didn't have it. [img]redface.gif[/img]

[judiaci]

I think that if she is happy and healthy in most other ways, it's OK for her to not want to spend money on herself. Some older women I know are selfless in an unhealthy way that has to do with being abused, but it doesn't sound like your DD would have this unhealthy characteristic.

Maybe it is just a faze. My DS who is 15 never spent any money on himself until this year. Now, he likes to go to the mall and spend money on clothes, music, games, etc. He has gone in the opposite direction and would spend his last penny. His saving mentality seems to have gone completely away unfortunately.

[josephhswife]

Thanks for all of your advice. Lots of different angles to look at this and all good points. I don't think she's hesitant because we buy her too much. We tell our kids that we focus on their needs and they should pay for their "wants." DS has no problem finding ways to purchase what he wants, but she is a tightwad. In her economics unit, there was a question:
The shoes you want are $60 but your parents will only spend $40. You have been saving and have $30 to buy a CD player. Would you spend some of the money you've saved to get the $60 shoes?
DD's answer: "I will sure look great in my $40 shoes while I'm shopping for a sale on a CD player."

The shop with the American Girls sign is in Naples, Florida. The owner purchases clothes from me to sell in her shop. She also buys AG dolls (new items & pre-loved) and resells them. So she can advertise American Girl Dolls in her sign.

[judiaci]

Your daughter will probably be a very successful businesswoman one day! How did the shop owner in Naples find out about your sewing creations? Do you have a website? My brother (childless) lives in Naples. I am surprized that there is a market there for AG items. It seems like mostly retired people, but I supposed they could be buying for their granddaughters.

<font color="#051E50" size="1">[ February 13, 2006 05:59 PM: Message edited by: judiaci ]</font>